So i hope everyone had a nice thanksgiving holiday
actually i don’t care, but it seems like a nice thing to open with so i hope that your thanksgiving was great and even if it wasn’t your already reading this shit so the pleasantries are over
People always think they are clever and in touch with the world when they say something along the lines of this bullshit “Why do we celebrate a holiday that we savagely murdered an entire race of people….by eating a shit load of food? that seems like a complete douche bag ass hole cunt bag queef rocket kind of thing to do”
Thanksgiving is not the celebration of our domination of those red people, its celebrating those buckle loving pilgrims. What we did to Indians (or for those of you that smell like fucking curry…Native American) is often considered to be one of the most underrated violation of human rights atrocities in history, but once you dig deeper into actual facts it seems to make sense. Yea we killed a bunch of people, ummm because they were fucking attacking us, there are numerous stories from those times that involve pregnant women being killed with their unborn children ripped out and pinned on the wall with an arrow (mostly done by the notorious Chief in favor of stem cell research) which is just fucking terrible.
This is not fucking Pocahontas we didn’t just come over here and start capping everyone with feathers, just like every other part of history we were a more dominant force and they attempted to oppose our agenda and they were vanquished. This is no worse then any other war that has gone on in the world and is nothing like a genocide so all of you indian apologists blow me and pass the mothafuckin cranberries.
Thanksgiving is a celebration of the Pilgrims and they deserve it because lets be real, Christopher Colombus was an arrogant douche.
Allen Iverson is clearly an avid fan of Pilgrims, because he was not talkin about practice on Thanksgiving. The notorious practice misser finally did something in Detroit that he’s known for(as opposed to you know scoring lots of points and winning us games) and missed a morning practice on Thanksgiving. While i would like him to play better, i can’t make a big deal of this because shiiit if someone asked me to work out Thanksgiving i would be pissed and i’m pretty sure you would be too so give the guy a fucking break.
What’s even worse is that there was talk about suspending him for missing practice, this is something that has never made any fucking sense to me.
ALLEN you were not present for something that was required of you so for punishment were not going to to require you to come to the next event. WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF LOGIC IS THAT??? It’s like when you skip school and they suspend you, all you’re doing is cutting off the fucking middle man and expediting the process of me not giving a fuck. Is this supposed to be some kind of reverse physcology? “Maybe if we tell him that he can’t come he’ll want to start coming.” Were gonna start punishing people that steal food by giving them god damn Applebee’s gift cards(Although to anyone with good taste that would be a fucking punishment, god damn i hate Applebee’s) Eating good in my neighborhood doesn’t involve steaks that are microwaved.
Speaking of something that makes 0% sense we get to look forward to another year of the BCS answering all of our questions. As most things that genuinely piss me the fuck off i could write forever about this but i’ll keep it brief and just offer a few of my humble suggestions.
This is pretty obvious but why don’t you take a fucking hint from ummm EVERY COMPETITIVE EVENT IN EXISTENCE and use a god damn playoff system. Everything from the NFL to Magic cards has a system that rewards winning and doesn’t involve a god damn computer. There are ways to still incorporate all of the bowls and advertisements and still have a fucking playoff. What are the problems with a playoff? The season is too long? are you fucking kidding me anyone that has ever been involved with the playoffs in anything will tell you that they would play forever if it meant determinging the proper winner. Whether it’s 4/8/16 team playoff it would be vastly more exciting and efficient.
Also get rid of these bullshit teams from small conferences playing good teams. I don’t give a flying pig shit who Utah or Boise State has played week in and week out they don’t play the same level of competition as teams in a big conference and i’m not impressed by you going undefeated with a two or three wins against good teams when other teams have to play excellent teams every single menotonous week. FUCK THEM IF YOU WANT TO BE IN CHAMPIONSHIP CONTENTION GO TO A BETTER FUCKING SCHOOL. I don’t respect any team that plays San Jose State every year.
But lets get off sports and talk about something that literally boggles my mind, yes i said literally my mind is bouncing around at the mere though of this bullshit and that is the unbelievably popular and unbelievably terrible Dancing With the Stars. If you had told me before it was started that this show would even exist let alone be extraordinarily bumpin i would have told you to blow me, and you would have becauase you knew what you were saying was dumb as fuck. But needless to say America is a bunch of fucking retards and they enjoy spending their time watching people who they cared about for no longer then 45 seconds when they were “Stars” MOTHERFUCKING BALLROOM DANCE and then they spend money calling to vote on something that has no effect on ANYTHING but are too busy to vote for the leader of the free world.
These people are not STARS, if they were performing at the Y this weekend you would probably stay home and jack it before take your time to go see them. WHY WHY WHY even if you like these people why do you want to watch them do something that hasn’t been popular since there was a round table of knights. Why would i want to watch Jerry Rice rape and pillage his illustrious career by doing the god damn cha cha????? Anyone that watches t his show needs to vaccum their fucking face.
Now it’s time for the only thing you probably even read this for
THE FUCK YOU’s
FUCK YOU-Kanye West
Before you ask what drug i’m on(i wish i knew) and tell me that Kanye is the coldest to ever live, let me explain. I love Kanye, i consider his first cd to be an out an out classic and in a lot of aspects he is exemplary and he really breathes some fresh air into the game and is always doing something new and unique. BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT, he has given to the middle finger to all of his fans and took a giant pile of shit on our faces (for those of you that are in to that kind of shit, imagine fucking someone without shit involved, i know terrible right?) by creating the abortion of a cd called something like “808’s and fuck all of my fuckin fans and the few people that actually thought i still cared about the music” i can’t remember the actual name but thats close enough. You mean to tell me that the “musical genius” “defining artist of our generation” is going to abandon everything that made him famous to totally jock the fuck out of someone else. Now i touched on this subject before when i gave a nice fuck you to Auto-Tune but i can’t stress enough how dissapointed i am. Kanye is one of the few artists in the fucking wasteland of music that i still look forward too when they put out an album, which is why my dismay is so extreme. A couple songs with that bullshit would have been ok, but you’re really going to sing(badly) with a robot voice on your whole cd? really?!?!?!!? What if the beatles had decided they were going to start doing reggae? What if Jimi Hendrix decided he was going to try his hand at Tuba? What if Hanson never mmmmbopd and instead popped glocks? They would be terrible and you’re seeing why, KANYE I DON’T LIKE YOU AS A FUCKING PERSON i like your music. So if you change your music then guess where that leaves you? Now you can defend him and say cliche assshit like he’s pushing boundries(he’s not numerous people have already used Auto-Tune, which by the way was pioneered in the 70’s, cool he’s pushing boundries that were pushed 40 years ago. He’s evolving as an artist (he’s evolving into a more terrible, less intelligent piece of shit, if evolution worked like this we would all sound like Sarah Palin) or maybe you might even think he’s conquered rap and has nothing left to do (if you think that i don’t have anything clever or funny to say to you i just hope you die) but anyway kanye’s new album can suck a dick, and one more thing MAKE A BEAT WITHOUT A FUCKING SAMPLE.
If drugs are yet to destroy your brain then you might remember a time when the most prestigious and respected phone company was the good people at Blackberry. Those days are no more because Blackberry has decided they would much rather be like every other piece of shit.
I know what you’re saying
“BUT FROG THEY JUST CAME OUT WITH THE STORM AND THAT SHIT LOOKS HELLA COLD AND I’M BOUT TO COP ME ONE OF THOSE SO I CAN BE STUNTIN ON ALL THESE WEAK ASS BITCHES OUT HERE…GET MONEY FUCK BITCHES!!!!!!!!!”
Wow really you mean they’re coming out with a TOUCH SCREEN PHONE?!?!!?!? Could anyone let me know where else i can get a cool touch screen phone? OH, WHEREVER MOTHERFUCKING PHONES ARE MOTHERFUCKING SOLD? awesome i’ll be poking shit with my finger in no time.
But really Blackberry became a powerful brand that garnered respect and would raise eye-brows with the very mention of the name, now it has been reduced to a buzz word for kids who don’t need cell phones and certainly don’t need Blackberries. Let’s take a complex quiz to see if you require a Blackberry
1.DO YOU OWN YOUR OWN MOTHERFUCKING BUSINESS?
2.ARE YOU EVER GOING TO STOP PLAYING BRICK BREAKER?
if you answered no to either question then guess what, regular phone it is.
Except i know have to contradict myself to display the real problem with Blackberry, they have become regular phones. When you have a respectable, prestigous and highly regarded product you maintain the level of quality and excellence. Brands that have become synonmous with luxury such as Mercedes-Benz,Gucci,Coach,Polo,Grey Goose all sell superior products for a higher price and the customer has the understanding that while this purchase may be expensive it will pay for itself with the level of quality and and impact on your status in society. When you take all of these things you’ve worked so hard to accomplish and use them to trim your pubes your company loses its status in society. While there are many reasons for the fall of Blackberry the one that is easiest to point too is that super cool and affordable piece of satans cock, the Pearl. If Mercedes decided they wanted to stop making fine luxury automobiles and decided that the focus was more of the way to go then that would be a comparable scenario. People buy a Benz cuz its a motherfucking Benz, if it ceases to have the motherfucking before it then its just the same as everything else. So congratulaions Blackberry you are no longer A MOTHERFUCKING BLACKBERRY, you are now just like everyone else and everyone else sucks.
Well thats it i hope you enjoyed it
a small disclaimer-I make all of this up on the spot, the way i create this blog is by sitting at my computer, think about things that piss me off, write these thoughts down
thats it, there are no complex formulas or schedules, i have no fucking clue what i will write about in my next post, so while i havn’t recieved any real negative feedback i just wanted to make you aware of the fact that this isnt my life…this is fun for me and hopefully entertains the people that read it
also it means if you think something sucks, i dont give a flying ardvark shit because it took me ten seconds to think of it
anyway thank you for reading and God Bless America the greatest fucking country to ever exist, except for Fiji, Fiji be bangin