oh, hey there


I’m really getting fed up with the way every atom of our existence has now been engulfed in an orgy of advertisements and sponsorships. Literally everything from a sports highlight to the piss i just took is brought to you by something like Wisconsin cheese. While Wisconsin cheese provides a delightful experience for the taste buds i don’t really see how it correlates with anything that is going on.

The real problem is that we are so familiar with the products being advertised that we lose complete interest in whatever it is they are saying because instead of actually presenting a service or product they have a gnome fight a warlock and that somehow is supposed to make you interested in car insurance. They are just reinforcing a product that we are all well aware exists. Does Coke need to spend billions of dollars in advertising when even a fucking child in somalia can tell you whats in that red can, the only people that are just finding out coke exists are college freshman.

But really it just seems like a colossal waste of money, if Coke went one month without advertising would it really hurt their sales at all? Anyone that walks into a store and has the intention of purchasing carbonated refreshment is well aware of where they stand on Coke and/or Pepsi, Britney Spears giving a handjob to a monkey doesn’t make an avid Coke lover want to drink a pepsi, it just excites monkey enthusiasts.

Besides if Coke announced they were going to reduce their advertising budget to zero it would create such a buzz in the media that Coke would receive an enormous amount of FREE advertising and could possibly have a very positive financial effect, or at least more then naming some football stadium the COKE palace.

Within the plethora of things that i despise one group has a firm grasp on one of the top spots and that piece of sunshine is the wonderful human beings over at PETA. Listen, i love animals, i find them to be in between a baby in a halloween costume and a small child with a lisp on the adorable scale. BUT THEY ARE NOT OUR EQUALS, animals don’t have “rights” because there very existence is in the palm of our hands. Look i’m not michael vick i actually do care about precious wonderful puppies, but i don’t want sparky to vote or anything(Sparky is a racist right wing gay basher anyway so that’s probably f or the best).

These PETA people have actually compared the owning of cats and dogs to …….drum roll please……..SLAVERY, because when my dog fails to retrieve my paper i always proceed to savagely attack him and i also prohibit him from reading. That comparison is so ridiculous that its made me contemplate suicide on more then one occasion.

How can this group continue to be respected at a national level, it’s clearly a fringe group containing nutjubs willing to make such outlandish statements and then follow that with a nice splash of paint on your new chinchilla. These people are insane and they need to be stopped and dismissed from the public eye because they are only tainting the minds of people that could be easily influenced. Animals are wonderful but they are not our equals and i would kill every last kitten on earth to save ONE person, thats how little they matter, theres a couple of people i might let slide to save the kittens but that would have to be discussed at a later date.

But in conclusion fuck PETA and their crazy insane fringe cult physco wackjob bonkers assface cunt asinine ludicrous blowjob ridiculous fallacy driven group of excrement, may they all burn in hell with the losers from the official Mike Vick Tournament of Champions-Orphan Puppy Edition…But mike you’re rich beyond you’re wildest dreams you’re among the most popular athletic figures in the world let alone america, you can have every possession every girl everyones respect and nothing could ever bring you down how could you possibly think it would be a good idea to have a massive dog fighting circuit in one of your houses???? MAAAAAAN J.J told me everything was about to be smooth, he told me stick to runnin around on that field, and he would stick to decapitating air bud, everyone was a winner, of course i didn’t know any of that was going on in the house that is under my name and has a great deal of my belongings in it, how could i possibly know that Cruella DeVille was setting up shop in my basement. really though i hate PETA, for reals.

Beyonce……..or excuse me let me please refrain from using that name and call her by the name that the great ass shaker has requested that we her adoring fans refer to her as…..SASHA FIERCE. So this fierce bitch is at it again and guess what? if you’re a young to middle aged african american woman possibly single possibly with kids then you have found your motherfucking gospel. Do you need a man??? HELLL NAAAAA you a indpendant woman you dont need nobody to help you, you got this… let me get a HOOOOE, i bathe in the tears of japanese children with rose petals picked by argetenian nuns that are spread around the floor while filet mingon and pizza bagels are slowly fed to me by the united states ambassador to zimbabwe BUT i’m going to sing about how hard it is being a woman and how you can accomplish anything if you just stand up to everyone by being a giant cunt.

Sash please don’t talk about rings being absent from your finger when your husband is considered to be one of the greatest rappers of fall time and owns like what? 30% of black people or something. I don’t wanna hear the queen of england complain about her tea being too hot, and i most certainly don’t want destiny’s abortion giving me marital advice.

If you can’t buy cigarettes then you should not be driving a benz, i’m sick and fucking tired of seeing sick cars pull up to me in public only to see kids that look like extras for high school musical get out of the car. Now thats fine and dandy you can drive around in that car and enjoy the fuck out of it, but please at no point in time act as if you are somehow worth something because mommy and daddy want you to drive in style. You had nothing to do with the purchase of that automobile and you are simply being allowed to drive it with the permission of your superior, far from “bossy”. So go crazy and stunt all you want, but dont expect anyone to respect or admire anything that you have or stand for because it will only be obvious that you are yet to accomplish anything without a hand out.

You probably heard that a man was actually killed during “Black Friday”(that’s the biggest shopping day of the year the day after thanksgiving, not as some of you may have been thinking when Obama goes into office). While i love shopping til i drop, i usually assume that myself or anyone else that had been dropped would eventually get up. Its disgusting to think that people are so enamored with material possessions that they would actually give that priority over the life of another human being.

What has this world come to when someones child is murdered because someone had to get that extra tickle in on elmo. They need to get rid of this tradition because honestly no retail sale is good enough to justify the life of a human being, unless your buying something for me in which case start stomping people like cigarettes.

now to the wonderful experience i like to call the FUCK YOU’s

FUCK YOU-The Jonas Brothers
While this may be a stale subject, with much of the criticisms and ridicule already having been presented by an array of others, i still feel the need to take the time to appreciate a group of young men that deserve all of the accomplishments they have achieved. Whats not to like???Wholesome well dressed young men with voices of angels and smiles that get you wetter then your favorite kevin costner film (yes, waterworld). If this was the outcome of sporadic events filled with determination, hard work, and immense talent then it would be one thing, however when it is a combination of hand picked bags of douche that are dressed up in ascots and other “mature” clothing and then fed pre written messages containing brainwashing anti-sex, fun, talent messages that influence all of the children of the world because the disney corporation has taken over their fragile minds. This is not the beauty and the best, this is the kids you just saw at the talent show feeding your kids a giant plate of asscock, and i do not want the next generation of americans to think it’s ok to devote your life to doing everything that would be associated with attracting vag and then get all innocent on us and say your dick is in hibernation. We all know they have ran at least one train on that smiley ass hoe miley.Look I don’t care what the jonas brothers do, but if they are going to be shoved down our throats 24/7 they might as well elaborate on how they’ve been shoving themselves down the throat of more then the public.

FUCK YOU-Celebrities that give baby names that are not actually names
Apple, Banana, Starfish, Bronx, E-40, Track none of these are acceptable names unless your child is a cartoon. I wish i could understand what is going on in these peoples heads but i would probably be horrified with the results. If you are famous and you are aware that the name of your child will be prominent in the households of millions you think you would do your best to go with a more john/ashley kind of thing as opposed to naming your child, your seed, the one thing that will maintain your legacy and ensure that the memory of your life will continue for years… after what keeps the dr. away. These children are already going to have fucked up lives, maybe not quite uncle george crossing boundaries fucked up, but certainly far from what is considered to be a regular life. Do you have to add to this by giving them a name that shouts to every other kid during attendance, hey everyone my parents did yay off each others genitals when i was conceived so they are incapable of providing me with a regular life and i’ll almost certainly be forced into a life of sex, drugs and animal prostitution. Thanks mom and dad, i was skeptical at first, you know with my name being Apple, but i actually kind of like it now, sure all of the kids tell me that i’m a certified faggot and that they were much more passionate about oranges, but in the long run i think it will be very beneficial and professional for everyones first impression of me oh my fucking god that cannot possibly be your real fucking name you fucking circus freak.

Thanks for stopping bye, make sure to tune in for more banter

If you enjoyed this please leave a comment
if you didn’t then fuck you but you might as well leave a comment as well, you asslicking cockshooter

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Author: SpencerHayes

Biting Social Commentary and Satire.

8 thoughts on “oh, hey there”

  1. fuck peta is righthowever i dont find the movie or record industry terrible enough to warrant the same treatment..they’re the ones getting fucked by everyone stealing everythingbut everyone has their own opinion on who they hate i guess

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  2. Spencer, this provided just what I needed to escape the mundane thoughts of exams currently occupying my brain. Hilarious comments – I particularly thought the Sasha Fierce fuck you was well deserved. It kind of sucks your country is a little shitty, but at least you aren’t copying every shitty thing – that’s just pathetic.Loved it, and I say, let’s kill all the kittens, hahaha.

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  3. i would love to partake in any actions that involve your brains being annihilated via fucking…please feel free to message me if you feel these fantasies need to become a reality

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