These Dudes Might As Well Be Jamie Foxx, Tryin To Sound Like Somebody That Already Died.

The other day while driving to one of the many intriguing destinations I venture too, I saw a flurry of signs that were essentially saying “hey fuck head, pay attention to the road”. Aren’t these signs a tad counterproductive? You’re already supposed to be driving safely, why do we need a sign to tell us that, especially when the sign forces you to contradict its very directions. I blame it on Obama.

Another trivial instruction presented to us by “the man”, are signs on the back of every 18-Wheel truck that is telling you “this is a big ass truck, please don’t drive really close to the back because if the driver isn’t on his shit he will decapitate your baby”. Seriously though, do we really need a sign saying this car has blind spots and/or stops and backs up frequently? Look, buddy, you’re a giant automobile that dominates the attention of every within a 30 foot radius, I’m driving on the freeway here not fucking drifting. You just shut your dirty trucker mouth, blow your horn when I wave my arm and deliver my shit, we don’t need driving instructions from some middle school graduate.

I feel obligated to speak on the story that is dominating the news, no not the girth of my member, the death of the Pop Kingdom’s ruler, Michael Jackson.

I don’t feel it’s proper to desecrate the memory of any person that is deceased, not only for the respect of who they were as a person but also out of respect for their family and the people that care about them. No matter what someone does in their life, they are still a human being, right before he dies the richest man in the world feels no different then the poorest.

MJ lived a life unique to the world, a life that will probably never be emulated ever again. He was an instant star, from the second he would be able to remember anything, he would remember that he belonged in the spotlight and that everyone else was either in his way or simply an addition to his stardom.

For a period of time he was the most popular person in the world, the most entertaining man anyone had ever seen, the best performer of all time. He could hit every note, created unique and immaculate dance moves and worked every show like it was his swan song.

In his recent years, he’s been the butt of many jokes and deservedly so. Not only did the man settle a child molestation case out of court at one point, he was also accused much later on and during that time said that while he did not force himself upon any child, he did feel it was ok for a child to sleep in a bed with a grown man that is not a family member.

Yes this was a man who lived such a different life tha in his mind that was an ok thing, this man literally thought that a stranger should willingly let their child spend the night in the same bed. Look, I don’t give a flying janet titty what his intentions were, that is not ok and however many copies of Thriller you have is not going to change that.

But you can’t really blame him, I mean he was in the spotlight for literally 45 years and he wasn’t getting any less famous. He didn’t know anything different then random people running up to him at all times showering him with praise. He made a lot of mistakes, but considering his circumstances it’s amazing to think that he wasn’t even more batshit crazy then we saw.

Look I made fun of him while he was alive, I mean he’s an easy target, but slandering the name of someone who is deceased to make a statement is trivial and immature. Sure maybe you didn’t like some of the things he did, maybe you’re tired of random strangers crying like he was their baby daddy, maybe you just hate the fucking world, but making fun of a dead guy that A. doesn’t know you and B. can’t defend himself even if he did…is just really a waste of everyone’s time.

I’m not someone that looks to celebrities or athletes as role models, so I don’t really care what they do, I don’t care if you rape puppies in between games, if you can shoot the J and bang out on the baseline then I want to watch you play basketball, the rest of your life is irrelevant to me because I’m not part of it.

So no, I don’t really feel bad because in my mind Mike Jack has been dead for years, a shell of his former self. What he did in his life was irrelevant to me, outside of his music, so I’m going to pay attention to some of the greatest art we’ve ever been graced with, and you can’t talk about some dead milato dude.

Glad we cleared that up.

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Author: SpencerHayes

Biting Social Commentary and Satire.

3 thoughts on “These Dudes Might As Well Be Jamie Foxx, Tryin To Sound Like Somebody That Already Died.”

  1. Oh, dear. Looks like you're going soft.Thanks for the commentary. I think it needed to be said. I wasn't a huge MJ fan (I was listening to Black Sabbath when my friends were teenie-boppin' to MJ and the Osmonds), but that doesn't give me carte blanche to fire criticisms now that he's gone.I also think there's no arguing that he was an extraordinary talent. Too bad for the fans left holding tickets. Cool souvenir, though.

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