Back Like I Never Left…

Other then ghonneria, there is nothing worse then when things don’t live up to your expectations. A party that is supposed to be banging all night, turns out to be an OC watch party. The concert you’ve been dieing to see, prove that your favorite musical artist has no talent and can only make formulaic studio music. The movie that everyone said was good turns out to be a shit sandwich (I’m looking at you Transformers 2!)

The leading source of false hope, disappointment and a failure to live up to expectations is the sporting world. We are constantly updated on the status of 7 foot eight graders and super awesome foreign guys, we hear about how sliced bread isn’t shit compared to this guy, he’s the next big thing, actually fuck that he’s gonna be bigger then whatever the thing is right now.

The word to describe this is “Bust.”

Ryan Leaf, Waterworld, Jennifer Love Hewitt’s Music Career. Segways. Tara Reids Tit.

All of these things were promised, PROMISED to be the greatest things, to change our world, to wake us up in the morning and say “Hey, what the fuck have you been doing with your life?”

But they all sucked hellie dick, and then were labeled as BUSTS.

Let me explain why this is the opposite of what is known in most circles as “logic”, yes I believe it still exists somewhere.

Before something makes its triumphant arrival to the world, media outlets, word of mouth and douche bags let us know about how great it’s going to be. We are force-fed advertisements and commentary about how our universe will be turned upside down upon its arrival.

Then when it actually isn’t good, but in fact more like being castrated, those SAME people trash whatever they were talking about and complain about how disappointing it is.

WHAT THE FUCK? Just because something isn’t as good as you said it would be does not make it a bust. It just means it always sucked.

How can a movie possibly be a bust? YOU told me it was going to be good, YOU told me it was going to be exciting, YOU told me I need to see it, then it blows and you blame the movie. I FUCKING BLAME YOU, I wasn’t even going to see that movie until you told me too.

Think about it this way, if you have no previous knowledge of something, if you discover and experience it organically then it won’t be disappointing because you had no expectations.

But if a million retards tell you how essential this particular thing is, and then it ends up being trivial. Then you will most likely not be happy when you realize your brain just had an abortion.

To sum it up, don’t listen to what other people say about something, just be patient and decide for yourself. That way you won’t ever be let down when life takes a nice juicy shit on your face.

On Another Note.

Just because you have held a position for a long time, does not mean you are good at it. If you suck dick at something, for instance sucking dick, it doesn’t matter how long you wallow away at the tedious activity, you’re only going to get so much better at something until you plateau and then you’re up shits creek.

I’m not saying you can’t gain experience or even evolve (or as republican call it “magic”) in your profession but some people abuse the scenario and use it as a crutch.

Take this situation for instance.

Guy with broken toilet – “OMG, my toilet is broken! And I’m a guy”

New plumber that is great – “Don’t worry I’ll fix it, I’m new at plumbing but I’m GREAT!”

Old shitty retard plumber – “boy, I’ll gon and fix your toilet, don’t listen to this youngin”

New Plumber – “But sir, you only have one arm and you’re not even licensed and I’m pretty sure you’re a sexual predator”

Old Plumber – “I’VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR 20 YEARS! BOY YOU CAN’T TELL ME SHIT!!”

Seriously though, that is not an excuse. Doing something shitty longer then someone else does not mean you are some sort of veteran, just because you’ve been teaching for 30 years doesn’t mean you deserve a medal…you’re kids can’t even pass the god damn MEAP test whore.

Let me list the things that make you good at something –
1. Being Good At It.

LOOK on that list, do you see, do it for a long time anywhere? NO, because it’s irrelevant. I mean I could write this blog for the next twenty years, that doesn’t make it good. But it is.

In closing, Phillip Morris has decided that they will be adding High Fructose Corn Syrup to their cigarettes. When asked to comment on why they would combine the two unhealthiest products on the U.S market, PM CEO Michael Szymanczyk said “Fuck It.”

Thanks for reading.

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Author: SpencerHayes

Biting Social Commentary and Satire.

14 thoughts on “Back Like I Never Left…”

  1. True. All true. Oh, and you can add to that list of things not on the list of things that make you good at something:By virtue of your college roomie relationships you've ended up managing thousands of high quality, talented professionals who, despite your obvious and painful incompetence, keep the company afloat.Playing with your employees like a cat toys with yarn until they unravel and end up muttering movie lines in the corner of some convalescent home. Just because you can.Thanks for the blog, man. You're awesome.

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  2. You need to add to your vote options after each blog, "I want to fuck you because you're a genius." I've heard there are women who are turned on by smart and funny guys. And I don't mean to suggest that you're into just women, I'm just saying…

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  3. Coupla things wrong with your point about busts. Coupla things right, too, so don't get all teary-eyed.The hype doesn't just come from Entertainment Weekly puffing up the latest Rico Golden movie because it needs to fill space. The producers of the movie are doing everything they can to produce buzz about how smashing it's going to be. Rico Golden and the female lead with the nice legs both do "Tonight," "Today" and "Next Thursday."The movie costs $120 million, and you go see it because you're a big Rico Golden fan. Come to find out, it blows ferret dong. Word gets around, it grosses $38 million, even the Europeans won't watch it, and it disappears.This movie is, in fact, a bust. Reviewers (who most likely weren't the fawning, hype-making interviewers) hated it, you the Rico Golden fan hated it, and most important, it lost tons of money. Bust, bust, bust.

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  4. To the long anonymous comment.If the movie is yet to come out, then you can not have an opinion on it other then what you've heard.To me the only thing that is a bust is something that was at one point good/successful but eventually got worse/failed.In my mind a really expensive movie that doesn't sell anything is not a bust because it always sucked…a BUST would be a movie that started strong until eventually falling off the map…a college player that never panned out in the pros.If a woman has been ugly her entire life, she's not a bust, it just means she's hit.When you see the hottest girl from high school ten years later and she looks like your ball sack in a sauna…that's a bust.Also I have no idea how you blow ferret dong.

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  5. Thanks for setting the record…er…straight. But just so's you know, women who would want to fuck you because you're a genius are probably too busy to click twice. Plus, it'd be a good way to weed out the simpletons. Unless what you're after is another reason to put your duct tape to good use…

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  6. hahaha for fucking true. I heard so many people talking about how awesome transformers 2 was, and when i actually saw it, i legitimately would have sucked an old man's dick to get the wasted 2 and a half hours of my life back.ok wait. that was terribly inappropriate, and false…but that movie was shit on a stick. from now on, i'm just gonna tell everyone to shut the fuck up, and go see movies without any expectations. excellent work, as usual.

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