One of America’s largest non-profits caused a stir today when they announced they would be removing their typical age restrictions to allow Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre to “Make-A-Wish.” Football fans and homosexuals around the country were livid when hearing about the news, particularly the 18 people who live in Green Bay, Brett Favre’s long time home.
“It just don’t make no god damn sense, he already won a Super Bowl here in the 47th best state, whys he always gotta make such a fuss about everything” stated Green Bay resident Jeb Williams. “See that’s what I don’t get about those big cities like Minneapolis, life should be about the essentials: football, beer, cheese and makin love to your most attractive cousin. That’s how it is, that’s how its always been.” Williams went on to add, “When I named my kid BrettFavre Williams, this ain’t what I expected.”
Even more enraged then dairy enthusiasts were people on the Make-A-Wish waiting list, who were eagerly anticipating their children’s wishes coming true before they had to bury them. When asked why she thought her son Timmy deserved his wish before Mr. Favre, Los Angeles resident Joanna Stevenson replied “Are you fucking serious? He has cancer.”
Michael J. Archer, Chairman of the Make-A-Wish Foundation’s National Board jumped to the defense of his organization, describing the empathy he felt for watching an old man get his shit rocked for 2 hours. “I mean did you see that last game?” Archer asked a room full of reporters at yesterday’s press conference “It was horrible, I could barely watch. The Make-A-Wish Foundation has always been about helping pitiful human beings who have nothing left to live for and I can’t think of anyone who exemplifies that more then Brett Favre. Yes, he might be over our usual age restrictions of 18, but have you ever seen a grown man look like a crying puppy?”
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell also supported the decision whole-heartedly “Look, I know the Saints fans are upset, but do we really want to deal with this guy anymore? If we just let him play in this Super Bowl this year, we can all just get the fuck on with our lives.” George Bodenheimer President of ESPN declined to comment but did mention that upon learning of the news 13 NFL analysts “simultaneously blew their loads”, something that apparently hasn’t occurred since Erin Andrews was hired.
When reached for comment, Favre’s wife Deanna was too busy looking bad as fuck to worry about reporters. In related news, she has also been nominated for MILF of the Year.