Teen Mega-Star Miley Cyrus is out to prove that she is more then sexual propaganda for children packaged in a super awesome, down to Earth, kind hearted, BFF of tweens everywhere by focusing on her philanthropic efforts. Cyrus, in a press conference early this morning, said she would be hosting an all-star benefit for the people of Haiti, or Chili or whatever.
“I was watching MTV to see how much people loved me and I saw like all this bad stuff, happening to like all these poor brown people, I knew that my money wouldn’t be able to solve all of those problems so I thought I would lift them with my musical talents, I mean think of how many young girls have become whores because of me, hopefully this will work just like that. I mean my life is perfect.”
The news created so much buzz that President Barack Obama took time away from praying to Allah to voice his support. “Look, ehhhhhhh, this is a great move for America, ehhhhh, I support Miley in all of her endeavors. My daughters are huge fans of hers and ehhhhh, I think what she’s doing is fantastic. Now if she’ll endorse my health care bill then we can really get the ball rolling” mused Obama, only to later add “Honestly though, somebody, anybody, please help me, everyone hates me.”
Cyrus fans around the country could not contain their excitement and there was an outpour of support for the young singer. Katie Beck of Los Angeles had this to say “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Miley Miley Miley Miley AHHHHHHH!” Critics of the singer, and her career as being a pawn for the cult of Disney, were less enthusiastic. “If that bitch can point out Haiti on a map I will personally donate $1 billion to her cause, seriously.”
Even controversial politician Sarah Palin took the time to do her 33rd interview of the day with the media she despises so much. “America, Support the Troops, Downs Syndrome, Patriot, You Betcha, Troops, Patriotism, Terrorist President, Troops, God Bless America, Liberal Media, Washington Outsider, Troops, Joe the Plumber, Stop attacking my family, Troops, Look at my baby, Levi Johnson, Troops, McCain Screwed me, Fox News, Liberals Are Scared of Me, Support the Troops and Sexism”
The people of Haiti or Chile or whatever disaster is “In” by the time they actually put on this charade, were obviously gracious for the support. “Even though my family, friends and all of my worldly possessions have been destroyed forever, I still wouldn’t mind Partying in the USA!!!!…On a more serious note though, get me the fuck out of here.”
The dates, performers and location for the benefit are still pending, but in all reality, she’ll probably forget about this within the next week or two after she meets a cute 25-year-old boy who isn’t like other guys and likes her for her.