Local Waiter Really Needs LeBron to Place His Order

John Bridges, a waiter at the Blue Pointe Grill in Cleveland, cannot continue to wait for LeBron James to place his dinner order. Bridges, who has been with the restaurant for over 3 years has, “like 6 other tables” and would really love it if James could just “make a fucking a decision already, the menu hasn’t changed in the past 2 months, he knew what he was dealing with and at this point it’s just getting kind of embarrassing for him.

James, who has been a basketball sensation since High School, explained the hold up “I know what I want, it’s just, I’m having a really hard time doing it by myself. I thought, hey, how hard could it be, I can order a perfectly tasty dinner alone, plenty of people have done it before me, why can’t I?” The optimistic James quickly fell back into reality when he realized that it was “a lot harder then it looks” and “it would be a lot easier if I had some of the right people helping me.”

Dan Gilbert, who coincidentally owns every single business in the dying city of Cleveland, can’t believe that James is going to behave in such a way. “What is this guys problem? I’ve purchased the best ingredients, hired a great staff, made the menu readily accessible to avid and casual diners a like. What the fuck else can I do for this guy?” Gilbert personally visited James’ table on several occasions but could not get him to commit to a particular dish. “It would be one thing if he just came out and said ‘Look Dan, I’m not going to order what you’ve suggested, we’ve had some great meals in the past, but I just can’t see eye to eye with you on the Ahi Tuna’ but noooo, he’s going to wait until I walk away and place his fucking order behind my back.”

An increasingly livid Gilbert went on to say “I PERSONALLY GURANTEE THAT EVERY OTHER TABLE IN THE RESTAURANT WILL ORDER THEIR ENTREES BEFORE THE SELF PROCLAIMED ‘KING’ EVEN ORDERS AN APPETIZER”

Laker fans felt the need to give their two cents on LeBron’s dinner “Decision,” although it has nothing to do with their immense fear that LeBron will one day order a better meal then Kobe. “Hey Queen James! Haha see what I did there? Its funny because it’s the female version of his nickname and being effeminate is totally gay! How about you order the filet mingon, does that have a nice ring to it? Haha see what I did there? He’s never won a ring so I made a pun about the fact that he doesn’t have a ring! Did you guys know Kobe has like a bunch of rings?”

Ironically, Lakers guard Derek Fisher was also at the same restaurant, however he did not cross paths with James because he came in roughly 3 hours earlier to take advantage of the Senior Discount. Fisher was however joined by the Reverend Jesse Jackson who ordered his usual meal of Watermelon battered Fried Chicken with a side of Collard Greens, Chitlins, Grape Kool-Aid and Grits mixed with Colt 45.

At press time, James was still yet to make a decision on his dinner, however it’s pretty much set in stone that whatever he chooses, will be the wrong choice.

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Author: SpencerHayes

Biting Social Commentary and Satire.

3 thoughts on “Local Waiter Really Needs LeBron to Place His Order”

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