Illegal Immigration: Solved.

Take a quick second to ponder the astronomical amounts of time and effort we have put into assisting Iraq and Afghanistan. We are heavily invested in the future of these countries, we seek to rid them of terrorists, establish a legitimate society and hopefully one day build a Sonic.

Much of my ideology correlates directly with compassion. I’m the type of person who is willing to make financial sacrifices if it can make a substantial difference in the life of another person. I don’t support people that have the audacity to manipulate the gratitude of others, but I am compelled to help the less fortunate. The best feeling in the world, at least to me, is knowing that I deterred my personal desires for the benefit of my fellow man.

I’m aware of our obligations and I’m aware that much of our actions are reactionary, hindsight is 20/20 and it’s easy to criticize the results of decisions that were made in the midst of a national tragedy. I’m not suggesting that it would be in our social or financial interest to completely abandon the military and humanitarian actions we are taking in the Middle East.

DUDE, I JUST USED MY HINDSIGHT TO REALIZE WE’RE FUCKING LOST

Trust me, there’s nothing I’d rather see then Osama Bin Laden hung to death while being fucked and pissed on by R. Kelly as his head is chopped off with a guillotine with sulfuric acid on the blades and Miley Cyrus’ “Party in the USA” is playing the background while a married interracial gay couple masturbates on his turban.

Needless to say, I don’t think we should completely abandon what we are doing in the Middle East, it is vital to our domestic security and foreign relations. However, I feel the manpower and resources could be used to solve a problem that so desperately needs attention. I’ve commented on the new immigration law in Arizona. As per usual with a controversial subject, there was controversy.

I must admit, it’s really easy to bitch about a problem,

but much more difficult to offer a proper solution. (You’re not allowed to murder children.)

So I’m going to put my money where my mouth is. Here is my solution to illegal immigration, it’s not complicated, it’s not detailed, it’s not specific and it would take substantial effort to make my vision a reality, but it would work.

If we help make Mexico a better country, similar to what we are doing in the Middle East, then perhaps the citizens of Mexico would not willingly risk their lives to leave the country. If we were to implement a “Middle East” type strategy in Mexico, everybody wins.

Allow me to put this in Lehman’s Terms; if we make it better, they won’t want to leave.

I’m not naïve, I realize this won’t completely halt illegal aliens crossing the border; we can’t just turn Mexico into Candy Land over night.

WHOOPS, YOU LANDED ON A RED SPACE, DEATH TO ALL INFIDELS!

BUT, how does it make sense to contribute so much to countries that are so far away, when we have what is essentially a 3rd world country in our backyard. Islamic extremists are a huge threat to the national security of America, however Generals from our own army have stated their belief that Mexican drug cartels pose a more immediate threat.

Put yourself in their zapatos.

Imagine you live in a poverty stricken country, filled with rampant corruption and a government that is intimidated by guerrillas. Imagine for a second, that you live in a society where your most legitimate chance at success is assisting a drug cartel.

SOOOOOOOOOOOO, UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, YOU GUYS HIRING?

I could elaborate on the multitude of problems facing the citizens of Mexico, but you get the picture.

Except you don’t.

You can try to imagine what it would be like, but if you were born in America, you have no idea. I reside in a suburb of Detroit, widely considered to be one of the most dangerous cities in our nation, even the world. And yet, people who live in Mexico would LITERALLY, and I don’t mean literally like “The KFC Double Down is literally the greatest invention of our generation.” I mean literally like, you would rather be shot in the face then continue to live within your present conditions.

You don’t know what that’s like; it is not possible for your brain to even comprehend that thought process. No matter how “terrible” your life is, no matter what curve balls you have encountered, no matter how big of a shit God has taken in your face, you have never in your life been so desperate to escape your living conditions that you were willing to die. (If you have, then stop reading this right now and get your fucking life together.)

Your unimaginable terror is their reality. They don’t want to take your job, they don’t want to live off of your taxes, they don’t want you to make sacrifices for them, they are simply desperate. If you have never been willing to put your life on the line, then you have never felt true desperation.

I was under the impression that this was the land of “opportunity.” I didn’t know the American Dream only applied to people already living in America.

This not a perfect plan, it won’t put an immediate and all-encompassing halt to illegal immigration, it won’t destroy the allure of living in America, it won’t be quick, it won’t be inexpensive, it won’t be safe, it will not provide us with immediate gratification.

But it will work.

It’s superior to the current plan of waiting for illegal aliens to cross the border, then asking every “reasonably suspicious” person to prove their citizenship. It will slowly but surely diminish the number of Mexicans attempting to illegally live in America and the expenses it would require, would pale in comparison to the money it would save in the longer term.

This proposal is actually quite similar to the “Trickle Down” economic theories that are so highly touted by many Conservatives and Republicans. If you help the people at the top, it will eventually benefit everybody.

You may not agree, but this is my 10-year plan to solve the illegal immigration problem.

First, cut off the head. Utilize the best military in the world to secure the borders and seek out the king pins of the Mexican drug world.

Second, commit considerable humanitarian resources and efforts to assist the innocent civilians who have to endure the nightmarish conditions of their country. This includes: food, water, clothing, shelter, medicine, and infrastructure.

Third, assist in instituting a legitimate democratic government.

Finally, impose harsher penalties for illegal immigrants in America so we can display how serious we are about this problem.

Yes there is probably a great deal of flaws in my plan. I’m a blogger, not the Secretary of State.

WHICH HAPPENS TO BE SOMETHING I THANK GOD FOR EVERYDAY

But to me, it makes more sense then any alternative proposal, at the least the few I’ve heard.

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Author: SpencerHayes

Biting Social Commentary and Satire.

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