The Froggy Awards – 00’s

Welcome to the 1st Annual Froggy Awards.

Today, I will be recognizing the triumphs and failures of the past decade.  Please enjoy, and feel free to provide your input on my selections so it can be immediately disregarded.

Category: Television

Best Use of Comedy to Subconsciously Encourage Racial Acceptance While Simultaneously Making You Pee a Little:

  • Chapelle’s Show

Best Show to Make a Tremendous Cultural Impact Before It Went Bat-Shit Crazy:

  • The OC

Best Faux News Broadcast That’s Actually More Legitimate Then Supposedly Legitimate News Broadcasts:

  • The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Best Show You Used to Watch But Can’t Comprehend How It’s Still on the Air:

  • Survivor

Best Show That You Used to Watch But Didn’t Realize Is No Longer Being Made:

  • Law & Order

Best Show to Watch When You Need to See People Who Are Genuinely More Terrible Then You:

  • It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Best Show to Watch When You Need to See REAL People Who Are Genuinely More Terrible Then You:

  • Maury

Best Use of a Woman Who is Actually Funny and Not Famous Simply Because She’s an Attractive Woman Who Does Comedy:

  • 30 Rock

Best Show to Watch if You Want to Awkwardly Squirm:

  • The Office

Best Show That’s Actually Had an Impact on the Retarded Minds of Mainstream America:

  • Modern Family

Best Show to See Very Serious People Who are Unaware of How Stupid They Look:

  • Da’ Ali G Show

Best Show to Help You Avoid Being Tardy:

  • 24

Best Show to Watch if You’ve Already Seen the 3 Seinfeld Episodes Airing Throughout Every Second of the Day:

  • Curb Your Enthusiasm

Best Show Everyone Keeps Telling You To Watch and You Say You Will Even Though You Know You Won’t:

  • Mad Men

Best Show That Was So Underrated It Eventually Became Extremely Overrated:

  • Family Guy

Best Show You’ll Never Watch Regardless of How Many Best Show Lists It Appears On:

  • The Wire

Best Show to Make You Realize How Not Awesome Your Life Is:

  • Entourage

Best Show That You Now Hate Because Of Its Ambiguous Ending:

  • The Sopranos

Best Show That You Now Hate Because Of Its Ending That’s So Ambiguous it Makes The Sopranos Look Not Ambiguous:

  • Lost

Best Show About Politics That’s Really Good Even Though There Aren’t Any Other Shows About Politics:

  • The West Wing

Best Show That Was Canceled Before You Realized it Starred Every Actor You’d Eventually Love:

  • Freaks & Geeks

Best Show to Finally Appreciate Even Though it Was Criminally Canceled Despite Being Superior to Every Show on TV:

  • Arrested Development

Best Show That Perfectly Exemplifies the Increasing Lack of Intelligence Within Our Society:

  • Two and a Half Men

Best Show That Wasn’t That Bad Until it Took a Turn For the Worst About 3 Years Ago:

  • Grey’s Anatomy

Best Show For Evidence That Cartoons Don’t Necessarily Have to Be Clever, Or Good:

  • King of the Hill

Best Show That Pandered To Its Audience Under the Veil of Self-Proclaimed Intellect:

  • Sex & the City

Best Show To Hear an Opinion From Somebody You Don’t Actually Care About:

  • The View

Best Show For People Who Miss UPN’s Primetime Lineup:

  • Meet the Browns

Best Show to Prove That Terrible Ideas Can Be Made Even Worse When Actually Filmed:

  • Joey

Best Show to Witness People Slapping God In the Face:

  • The Swan

Best Show to Watch If You Love Sitcom Cliches and Despise Laughing:

  • According to Jim

Best Show to Watch If You’re Latino and Can Only Relate to Other Latinos:

  • George Lopez

Best Show to Use as Evidence That All Mexicans Should Be Deported:

  • Mind of Mencia

Best Show to Watch If You Want Generic Crimes Solved With Equipment That Doesn’t Exist:

  • CSI

Best Show to Watch If You Thought Law & Order Didn’t Have Enough Children Being Raped:

  • Law & Order: SVU

Category: Movies

Best Movie To See What the Chinese Are Doing With All of Our Money:

  • Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

Best Movie To Make You Forget About The Fat Asses in Brazil:

  • City of God

Best Movie To See Heath Ledger Get His Balls Licked:

  • Brokeback Mountain

Best Movie to See Heath Ledger Get His Balls Licked (By the Critics!):

  • The Dark Knight

Best Movie to Prove Jim Carrey Might Actually Be a Good Actor:

  • Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Best Movie to Make You Completely Forget About The Previous Movie:

  • The Majestic

Best Movie to Watch if You Advocate Child Abuse:

  • There Will Be Blood

Best Movie For People Who Have Never Banged a Black Girl:

  • Monster’s Ball

Worst Movie For People Who Have Never Banged a Black Girl:

  • Precious

Best Movie to Influence a Decade of Similar But Vastly Inferior Movies:

  • Gladiator

Best Movie to Make You Feel Better About Getting Your Girlfriend Pregnant:

  • Children of Men

Best Movie to Recognize a Legend In the Form of an SNL Impression:

  • Ray

Best Movie For People Who Just Can’t Get Enough Cock:

  • Moulin  Rouge

Best Movie That Reminds You We’re In a Fuckin’ War Right Now:

  • The Hurt Locker

Best Movie For People Who Can Never Remember That Good Movie They’re Supposed to Watch:

  • Memento

Best Movie that Shows Racist People Are Actually Good People Who Might Save Your Life:

  • Crash

Best Movie that Made Jack Nicholson Hold Off On Writing His Will:

  • The Departed

Best Movie That’s Actually Not That Good When You Really Think About It:

  • Avatar

Best Movie to Put a Prolonged Franchise Out of Its Misery:

  • Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith

Best Movie to Reinforce Your Blatant Anti-Semitism:

  • The Passion of the Christ

Best Movie to Destroy the Credibility of the Academy Awards For Years to Come:

  • The Blind Side

Best Movie to Prove the Original Matrix Was Pretty Much a Fluke:

  • Speed Racer

Best Movie About a TV Series That Everybody Stopped Caring About 10 Years Earlier:

  • X-Files: I Want to Believe

Best Movie That Transformed Horrific Human Tragedy Into a Lifetime Mini-Series:

  • Pearl Harbor

Best Movie Sequel That Doesn’t Understand The Meaning of Its Original Title:

  • Any Sequel to FINAL Destination

Best Movie For People Who Don’t Like Their Characters Moving More Then 15 Feet:

  • Phone Booth

Best Movie That Was Good Until You Actually Had to Watch It:

  • Snakes On a Plane

Best Movie That Was Most Likely Made Up As They Went Along:

  • Oceans Twelve

Best Movie About the Apocalypse That Makes You Hope For the Actual Apocalypse:

  • 2012

Category: Music

Best Music For People Who Don’t Speak English:

  • Black Eyed Peas

Best Music For the Girl Who Won’t Be Taking “No” For An Answer:

  • Kesha

Best Music to Get Her In the Mood For Someone Who’s Better at Fucking:

  • Trey Songz

Best Music For Black People Who Want to Experience White Music:

  • Red Hot Chili Peppers

Best Music For White People Who Want to Experience Black Music:

  • Nelly

Best Music For Teenage White Girls Who Want to Rebel Against Their Parents:

  • Lil’ Wayne

Best Music For People That Want to Be Hardcore But Still Have a Curfew:

  • Nickleback

Best Music For People Who Want to Look Down On You For Not Appreciating Good Music:

  • Radiohead

Best Music For People Who Want to Seem Authentic On Their First Day of Vacation in Mexico:

  • Daddy Yankee

Best Music For Girls That Used to Be Giant Whores:

  • Brittany Spears

Best Music For Girls That Can’t Wait to Be Giant Whores:

  • Miley Cyrus

Best Music For Guys That Totally Don’t Mind Watching the Oxygen Network:

  • James Blunt

Best Music For Black Kids That Don’t Play Sports:

  • Linkin Park

Best Music For White Kids That Desperately Want To Be Black:

  • Waka Flocka Flame

Best Music For White Kids That Aren’t Ready to Commit to Wanting to Be Black:

  • Eminem

Best Music For White Kids That Used to Want to Be Black:

  • Master P

Best Music For White People Who Want to Be Black But Have Never Met a Black Person:

  • Shaggy

Best Music For People Who Still Can’t Believe Shaggy Retired:

  • Sean Kingston

Best Music For People Who Want Patriotism Pandered to Them Through Song;

  • Toby Keith

Best Music For People Who Can’t Come Within 100 Yards of a School:

  • R. Kelly

Best Music For People That Were Conceived While Their Parents Listened to R. Kelly:

  • Usher

Best Music For People Who Are Happy to Have a Legitimate Gay Artist In Their Library:

  • Adam Lambert

Best Music For People Who Want to Make Sure There’s Never Legitimate Gay Artists:

  • Clay Aiken

Best Music For People Who Want to Get More In Touch With Their Roots:

  • The Roots

Best Music For People Who Want Song Titles More Interesting Then the Actual Songs:

  • Fall Out Boy

Best Music For Douchebags who say “They Don’t Make Music Like They Used Too:”

  • U2

Best Music For People That Only Recognize Artistic Genius If It’s Explained By the Artist:

  • Kanye West

Best Music For People Who Show Their Individuality By Being Just Like Someone Else:

  • Lady GaGa

Best Music For People Who Are Extremely Happy With Their Name:

  • Jason Derulo

Best Music For People Who Hate People:

  • Gorillaz

Best Music For People Who Prove They’re Over You With Bitter Subliminal Facebook Statuses:

  • Taylor Swift

Best Music For People Who Have Just Discovered Puns:

  • Drake

Best Music For People Who Have Never Been on a College Campus:

  • Asher Roth

Best Music For People Who Haven’t Left a College Campus This Decade:

  • Dave Matthews Band

Best Music For Men That Suggest “The Notebook” For Movie Night:

  • The Fray

Best Music For People Who Want Every Note to Be the Greatest Note of All Time:

  • Christina Aguilera

Best Music For People That Would Sell Their Own Child For the Right Price:

  • Snoop Dogg

Best Music For People That Hopped on the Wrong Bandwagon:

  • 50 Cent

Best Music For People Who Find Lil Jon Intellectually Challenging:

  • Soulja Boy

Well, that about does it for The Froggy Awards.  I hope you enjoyed the selections,  please feel free to provide your opinions.  Have a Frog-tastic Day.

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Author: SpencerHayes

Biting Social Commentary and Satire.

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