Compton, CA – April 5, 2011 … Rap legend Dr. Dre has been a household name for decades, however the longtime hip-hop producer is making headlines for undesirable reasons, as Dre could be heading “Straight Out of Compton” and into prison. In surprising news, the music icon finds himself in legal trouble thanks to charges stemming from alleged medical malpractice. The plaintiff, fellow Compton resident Steven Wilcox, has leveled serious accusations against Dr. Dre, after his recent attempt at surgery left Wilcox paralyzed from the waist down.
Although a significant amount of medical malpractice cases are eventually deemed fraudulent, Wilcox’ legal team feels their evidence against the former NWA star is very strong:
“It’s a cut and dry case here people. This so-called “Doctor” used his stature as an international superstar to manipulate the decision making abilities of my client. Not only has the defendant never been to medical school, but a brief look at his musical catalog shows he was almost surely heavily intoxicated with “Henny” and possibly even chronic level marijuana. Sure, perhaps my client should have raised an eye brow when the alleged Doctor greeted his medical team as “All these niggas and all these hoes,” only to later inquire if “Somebody in here was gon’ fuck,” but the allure of “all of his platinum plaques” was far too convincing to pass up, especially considering Mr. Dre has been strapped with gats since we were cuddling in the cabbage patch. “
Vast speculation has now consumed the worlds of social and traditional media, with opinions being spread faster then HIV at a Magic Johnson movie theater.
Countless legal commentators have analyzed the case and the culmination of opinions has been passionate and diverse. Much of the public scrutiny has actually focused on the plaintiff, with some claiming that “it’s his own fault for letting a black dude be his doctor,” while an even more significant portion of the public have started criticizing President Obama, eloquently justifying their accusations with a “why the fuck not?”
While many people agreed with the seemingly unflappable logic of Wilcox’ decision, there seemed to be significantly more sympathy from groups of people who are friends with Dr. Dre. Former NWA colleague, Ice Cube, who also made recent headlines after his “Hood Pass” was officially revoked, was quick to defend his onetime group-mate:
“It’s sad that these devils are always trying to bring the black man down, I thought we was past all of that. I support the homie Dre, he been doin’ it for a long time and nobody in the game works harder then him. Honestly, fuck this Wilcox cat, he shoulda’ been done his research and seen that Dr. Dre wasn’t no real Doctor. I mean damn, if that nigga was actually studying medicine he wouldn’t have let Eazy-E die of AIDS. For real y’all, I can say without question, today is not a good day. But low key, if that shit really goes down I got these “Free Dre” shirts on deck son, just peep the official Ice Cube website: http://www.ISoldMySoulToTheWhiteMan.com.”
The much-anticipated trial is scheduled to begin next week and the mainstream media is already cumming in their pants at the possibilities. Bi-Curious CNN Anchor Anderson Cooper assured his audience he would continue his legacy of opportunistically capitalizing on human tragedy for the benefit of his own career, and NBC News Anchor Brian Williams promised extensive coverage of Dr. Dre’s trial, promising viewers he would be on his “most handsome behavior” in the upcoming weeks.
Additionally, CBS Anchor Katie Couric was also reached for comment, unfortunately she was too busy in the kitchen (where she belongs) making her husband a sandwich, to offer her opinion.