It is human nature to want what we cannot have. It is our state of mind to think of what we are missing as opposed to realizing what is ours.
As a child, you remember that one Christmas gift you wanted more then anything and you didn’t get. You want to be gracious for everything you‘ve received, but you can’t help it. You wanted that toy, and you didn’t get it, so that’s where your mind lays.
When you finally meet the celebrity, politician, activist, etc… that is your “hero” or “role model” you notice their faults, you remember how they didn’t live up to your expectations, not how extraordinary their attributes were.
We get the inevitable feeling of dismay when we follow others advice on things that are exceptional and it doesn’t live up to expectation. Why? Because our reality simply cannot match the euphoric anticipation that lies in our mind. We build things up in our head, only to be disappointed when they don’t fulfill everything we initially envisioned.
Every scary movie can have you on the edge of your seat, it is not until you bare witness to the source of fear that you relax. The anticipation is what scares you. The thought of what could be happening is a much more intense feeling then dealing with a problem that lies in front of your eyes. Once everything is out in the open, it’s just not scary anymore.
This thought process is never more prevalent then when it is focused on love. Love, possibly the most confusing, horrible, amazing feeling that we can feel.
Love is a mind fuck. Love is something that defies explanation or reason, and that’s the very reason that it can be so easy to become entrenched in nonsensical dilemmas and scenarios.
Once somebody is gone, their faults are quickly washed away with the cloth of nostalgia. Our grief instantly consumes and destroys our logic, our hearts overwhelm our minds.
Regardless of whether it is death, separation or another reason, losing contact with something or someone, causes you glamorize their existence. You become so infatuated with your emotions that you have no choice but dwell on the past as opposed to conquering the future. You begin to chase an idea that does not exist in reality, but merely your head.
Which brings me to my point. Nobody is perfect.
You don’t have to hear that to believe it, it’s common sense. However, we need to be reassured. When someone that is important to you is no longer a part of your life, it will bring nothing but sorrow if you continue to focus on the void they have left.
You have to fill that void.
Goodbyes are never easy; in fact they can often be the most emotionally strenuous experiences we will ever combat, especially when involving an emotional conflict. But you have to realize that you don’t “need” anybody but yourself.
It is ok to be remorseful over situations that are undesirable, once again, that’s just human nature, we all feel that way. It is not ok to let another person control your emotions, it is not ok to question yourself as a person because of someone else’s decisions, it is not ok to let the actions of a singular person dictate your state of mind.
When you wake up one day and someone that you love is no longer in your life, grieve, remorse, vent, deal with your unique situation in the way that you see fit.
But move on.
They are now in the past and that’s where you should keep them.
Drive your future with your dreams, not your memories.