Top 50 Frog Facts

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Welcome to the Top 50 Frog Facts, a compilation of some of the most popular ruminations seen in previous Frog Facts posts.  Enjoy.

#50

What happens to people who have long hair, and DO care?

#49

Life would be a lot better if people weren’t incessantly trying to impress and one-up each other. By the way, I have a totally huge cock.

#48

I just saw an ad for a new CD called: Now! That’s What I Call A Depressingly Catchy Reminder of How Far You’ve Come as a Person and How Little We’ve Come as a Society. Not surprisingly, it’s predominately Black Eyed Peas.

#47

There’s an extremely good chance that anybody who says they “Work Hard” and “Play Harder” isn’t doing much of either.

#46

No religion gets shit on like Jehovas Witnesses.

#45

I hate when people say “Hey, wanna hear something funny?” The answer is always “Yes.”

#44

Why do people refer to “Glee” as that “gay show?” Shouldn’t it be called that “pedophiles dream show?”

#43

There is no better sandwich than a sandwich made by another person.

#42

Nobody gives out more dating advice than people you’d never take dating advice from.  “Not every guy will break you heart, but every broken heart is from a guy.”

#41

It never fails, old people always have exact change.

#40

On the back of the Tums bottle it tells you not to ingest more then 15 in a day.  Who the fuck is taking FIFTEEN TUMS!?!?!?  The only time you would need that many tums is if you were chasing an entire fifth of tequila with hot sauce and nacho cheese.

#39

Bumper Stickers are the lowest form of human communication.

#38

There’s no dignified way to ask someone why you weren’t invited to the party.

#37

I’d like to personally thank all of the social media meteorologists who’ve saved me from the stressful task of looking out my fucking window.

#36

Whenever a major heist is taking place you can always count on a security guard being distracted by a television.

#35

I stopped giving homeless people change.  It isn’t because I think they’re “just going to use it buy drugs and alcohol.”  It’s because I need to use it to buy drugs and alcohol.

#34

Please, by all means, go ahead and become a vegan, all we ask is that  you kindly shut the fuck up about it forever.

#33

If you’re a contestant on a reality dating show, you are obligated to keep at least one of the black girls until the second round to prove to everyone you’re not a racist.

#32

Who tows a tow truck?

#31

Nobody has ever said “I’ll take a pack of your smallest condoms please.”

#30

Toothpicks are only a viable grooming option 50 yards away from the restaurant if your surname is “Daddy.”

#29

Coffee has no middle ground.  If it isn’t piping hot, or ice cold, it tastes like Satan’s diarrhea.

#28

I saw a statistic that said domestic violence is more common in gay relationships.That makes no sense, straight men only have to beat up a girl. If I had to physically fight a grown man every time he left the toilet seat up, I think we’d find alternative solutions.

#27

If you ask me, everyone is an alcoholic, it just comes down to whether or not you’ve  been caught yet.  However, the same rule does not apply to rapists.

#26

I fucking hate when I’m high on a bunch of prescription pills and I can’t use any of my heavy machinery.

#25

It’s ironic how many people have no concept of actual irony.

#24

No matter how greasy the pizza is, you can’t blot it with a paper towel and expect to be taken seriously.

#23

I hate people who have nothing better to do but still insist on saying that they “might stop by” a party. Ok Princess Diana, I certainly hope you can fit is into your hectic tanning schedule.

#22

Drug Dealers should not have a Twitter.

#21

Somewhere in Nigeria is a supremely pissed off Prince who can’t find anyone to help him retrieve his vast fortune via email.

#20

Camping is just taking homelessness out for a test drive.

#19

Food should not require strenuous effort in order to make it edible unless it’s lobster. I’m looking at you, sunflower seeds.

#18

There’s nothing more irrelevant than the time period between “Guess What?” and “Will You Just Tell Me!”

#17

If I ordered something from Taco Bell with no lettuce would they just give me nothing?

#16

Of course we can still be “friends” after a break up, you just have to promise to get fat and ugly.

#15

I like to proliferate the notion that I’m an esteemed and articulate gentleman, this way I’ve bought myself a little time when that idea is directly contradicted by every single one of my actions.

#14

Look, gas prices are too high, you hate bad weather and love good weather…WE KNOW! Can we please get back to important social networking, like reading my blog.

#13

Ladies, has any guy actually been receptive to being “Just Friends?” You mean it will be just like our relationship, except with snide comments, awkward moments and absolutely no sex…Where do I sign up?

#12

Why waste all night getting numbers at the bar, they won’t remember you anyway? I’m sticking with this Facebook event created by that one girl who lost her phone.

#11

I’m sure a substantial number of people probably find “If I Were a Boy” to be a pretty deep and meaningful song, but whenever I hear it, all I can do is picture Jay-Z being really weirded out.

#10

Look, I don’t want children to be exposed to explicit sexual content either, but how can you rate a movie NC-17 for simulated love making, when movies like Hostel and Saw can feed a man his own genitalia in 3D.

#9

No matter how hard you try, it’s impossible to say the words “Yeah, Right” without sounding sarcastic.

#8

If Alexander Graham Bell was alive today, do you think he’d be pissed that land lines have become completely obsolete for anybody not making their phone call from jail?

#7

It’s perfectly acceptable to enjoy Dubstep as long as you’re willing to admit it sounds like Dinosaurs fighting with laser beams.

#6

All I want for Christmas is you…and her…and that one girl we passed in the parking lot on the way in.

#5

What’s so bad about being “overrated?” Basically you’re saying people will think highly of me regardless of my actuall skill or talent. I’m totally cool with that.

#4

If your shirt is funny, you probably aren’t.

#3

If Mark Zuckerberg is willing to steal Facebook from his friends, I doubt he cares about your opinion on the new layout.

#2

Why are we stopping gay people from getting married AND fighting in the Army? Please, by all means, knock yourself out, I’m not doin’ that shit.

#1

Hey Technology, my phone is already awesome enough, can you invent car heating systems that warm up before I’ve reached my destination?

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Author: SpencerHayes

Biting Social Commentary and Satire.

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