Romney Poised To Achieve Personal Best in Election

Mitt Romney, the Republican candidate for president in the 2012 Presidential Election spoke with a frenzied crowd at a pep rally early Friday morning.
While speaking with his supporters, Romney attempted to pump up the crowd by explaining 2nd place would be his personal best in Presidential Elections, after finishing no better than 4th in the previous seven.
“Last time, I didn’t even make it out of the convention as the nominee, and this time I’m really excited to finish in a closer position on such a prominent public stage.  Who knows, if I keep going at this rate, I might even win in eight to 12 years.”
GOP commentators quickly rushed to support Romney, noting that they were not only locks for the number two position, but every position following that.
“If you look at the rankings, Republicans just dominate the list, in fact, there’s only a single Democrat on the entire Top 10 list.  Can you imagine?  Republicans are leading 9-1, it’s basically a blood bath for President Obama.”
Democrats admitted that while they weren’t throwing in the towel, they were impressed by Romney’s ability to make it further than he has in previous Presidential races.  The left also acknowledged Romney’s resilience as the DNC released a passionate memo:
“While most people would take the previous election results as a shadow looming over their political career, while most people would comprehend the message from the voters after tasting defeat on so many occasions, while most people would rather kill themselves than be embarrassed in front of the entire country on so many occasions your name becomes synonymous with negative connotations, Mitt Romney stared pure electoral indifference in the eye and refused to take the citizens “no” for an answer.”
Romney later mentioned in a live interview that during his down time, he’s strongly considering accepting the offer to become the new Listerine spokesperson.
“My father made brainwashing famous, I’m hoping to make the same impact with mouthwash.”
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Author: SpencerHayes

Biting Social Commentary and Satire.

1 thought on “Romney Poised To Achieve Personal Best in Election”

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