Barack Obama to Attend Second Debate

(October 9 – Washington, DC)… The political world was abuzz early Tuesday morning when it was announced by the White House that President Barack Hussein Obama will be in attendance for the second Presidential debate next week at Hofstra University.

After deciding his jobs as Commander in Chief and “Leader of the Free World” were far too important to require him to show up for the first debate, the Obama campaign is drastically changing their strategy by encouraging their candidate to actually participate instead of just skipping the whole thing altogether.

“We tried an unorthodox method first time around, having our candidate skip the first debate entirely was a risky move and it showed in the polls, but this time, we think if we can actually get President Obama to address Mitt Romney and repudiate the mass amounts of non factual statements being fired around like something that’s fired efficiently, it will probably make a huge difference in the outcome of the entire debate.”

It’s true how rare this strategy has been in the past, only two Presidents before Obama have decided to skip the Presidential Debate before, once in 2000 when Al  Gore decided to miss the debate because he was too busy getting more votes than his opponent, and also when Richard Nixon decided to rub one off for two hours in the green room and came out with seven minutes left smoking a cigarette.

While the Democrats are certainly optimistic about the next Presidential Debate, Republicans are also looking to capitalize on Romney’s strong first showing.

“Not since Clint Eastwood’s performance art at the Republican National Convention have we seen someone dominate a non-existant opponent like Mitt did in the first debate.  Quite honestly, the only way he could have been stopped is if somebody had actually been there to point out all of the misnomers within his statements and his complete abandonment of the ideology he’s been running his campaign on  up to this point. Damn, just think how much more effective it would have been if the Democrats had actually sent someone out who could point out Romney was just blatantly lying and essentially pandering to centrist and independent voters he’s neglected to even acknowledge up to this point. “

While the announcement comes well before the debate, the timing has left skeptics quite skeptical.

“This is just plain conspicuous, why release your strategy so early?  I mean, the Romney campaign was probably expecting nobody to show up again and here the White House has gone and totally ruined the element of surprise.  Now they know Barack Obama will actually be at the second debate and that it wont be a two hour Romney commercial like the first go-round.”

When asked about the upcoming Vice Presidential Debate, the White House said Joe Biden was being prepped for the debate by going through rigorous shock therapy in which he received massive electrical force each time he responded to a question with a batshit insane anser.

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Author: SpencerHayes

Biting Social Commentary and Satire.

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