October 29 – Detroit, MI … The San Francisco Giants are the 2012 World Series Champions and the nation couldn’t be more slightly interested. Maybe like a million people tuned in to watch the Giants defeat some other team in a series where people were definitely pitching and hitting a baseball.
“I saw some of Game 3 while clicking through channels and it looked like the same game I always remembered. Yup, baseball, woo.”
Fans every-somewhere couldn’t believe themselves as the Giants won the World Series in a record time of 32 minutes, shattering the previous record of a week and a half. Fans is also a word used for people who don’t have cable and simply put the game on as background noise while finishing puzzles and speaking to their in-laws.
The most notable fact of the World Series was the astonishing lack of a riot in Detroit, something sports analysts said was inevitable as a racial slur from Delmon Young.
The Giants celebrated by humbly walking back to the dugout and sharing the moment with each other, at least we think that’s what happened, we flipped the channel once Cabrera struck out. During the celebration, sources say MLB officials carded Giants catcher Buster Posey on account of the fact of his “punk-ass-bitch” like appearance.
- “BREAKING NEWS: Miguel Cabrera Already Drunk Dialing AA Sponsor”
Tigers utility player Don Kelly was the only player from Detroit who spoke with the media openly, stating his enthusiasm for getting the chance to get in there and give it a go. Sources say his parents are like, so, proud.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, Tigers first basemen Prince Fielder was found bathing in a bathtub full of Coldstone Ice Cream while practicing his swing. Fielder, who choked during the series like George W. Bush in a pretzel factory says he’s already preparing for next year, impressing nobody because he’s being paid by the second.
Giants Manager “What’s His Face” was thrilled with the output of his team and noted that he’s only two to three more World Series wins away from actually being respected by the national media and that bitch wife of his. The big black guy on the Giants spoke with the media about outshining the Tigers big black guy, unfortunately ESPN decided to air their NBA preview special before his interview could be shown.