San Diego, CA – May 7 … Local parents John and Samantha Bernstein love their son Tucker a whole bunch,even going as far to occasionally use “up to the sky” as a level of measurement. The exemplary parents consistently shower him with admiration and provide everything you could ask for in a loving family.
However, tragedy struck this local family after their eldest son realized he was being treated significantly worse than his younger sibling. Along with jealousy engulfing him as he watched his parents buy the little shit his own car, the real deal breaker was when Tucker realized his little brother Maxwell was actually utilizing this parental advantage to bang more hoes than him.
“Much like you people; as genuine, loving parents, we care for both our children equally. Honest to God, it’s not even a competition, there’s more than enough love to go around. The argument only escalated because I simply hired someone to feed Maxwell grapes while he does his homework?”
“Although we’re not picking favorites, in all honesty, Tucker just isn’t living up to the standard set by Maxwell, who is pretty much better at everything. Especially sex.”
“I’m not saying HE is better, I’m saying his thoughts, actions and aspirations are better. We still love them as people, we just don’t always like that one as much.”